pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Your topless pictures make me question reality
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
