I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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