you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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