Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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