I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
