I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Dicks are not precious.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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