if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize