i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
she told me i tasted like america
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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