He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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