so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
