I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize