The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
