How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
