I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
