I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
