That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Randomize
