my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
