I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
