Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
