just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
