she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
