For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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