i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
