Say something about gay babies.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
