I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
