I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
