Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Randomize
