Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
