Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
