Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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