Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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