i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Farmville is her only friend.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
