I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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