I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
