My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize