he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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