Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Can you bring me the toilet please
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize