What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
