You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
