we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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