Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
