hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I have aggressive nipples.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
