You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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