I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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