Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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