Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Randomize
