omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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