Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
