69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
