You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
