I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
