he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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