That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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