cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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