You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
