Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
