u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
