Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
This baby is an asshole
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
