Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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