Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
