I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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