I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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