Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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