She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I forget how to act sober
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
