i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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