Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
