I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
