Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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